i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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