i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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