all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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