I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
