I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
