I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
