Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
