Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
