im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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