please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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