at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
