so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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