Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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