Pants 0. Shit 1.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
