I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
