you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
