i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
