i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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