she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
