ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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