I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
