Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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