FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
