We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
