My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
