my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
