just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
