yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
