He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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