i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
