Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
third nipple confirmed
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
