cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My ass is underappreciated
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
