rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
