you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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