me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Who died my cat blue again?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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