I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Soap is not a condiment
Buhtt sex?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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