Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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