last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
