just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
