Dignity is for republicans.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
