dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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