Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I would ride that face into the sunset
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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