just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
