Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
