Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
