I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
