There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
