I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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