Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
