No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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