My cat gives me a boner
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How does one acquire holy water?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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