Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When are your genitals available?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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