forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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