why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
