I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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