we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
