from now on my penis is your penis
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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