mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm passing your future prison.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have aggressive nipples.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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