i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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