Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
