I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
