And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
