btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
