What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
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the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
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We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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