And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think my moral compass just broke
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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