I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
