ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
