i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
